so i broke bread with some white folks this weekend. well, actually, i think they were both jewish, but stop bullshittin, that's white too.

yeah, so i was stranded out in pasadena and one of them white boys is like "oh they got some good mexican food in pasadena" and dude was jewish from connecticut and my boy [the other white boy i was with] is also jewish and from connecticut and he has great taste in food so i made the mistake of taking his word for it.

ok, first off, white folks dont know what good ethnic food is. just as a rule of thumb, if some cracker-ass-cracker tells you he knows of this great [fill in ethnicity here] restaurant, just disagree. really. you want that real shit, 9 times out of 10 you aint gonna hear about it from some whitey.

so we pull into Tony's Restaurant in Pasadena. sorry, i dont remember the address but who gives a shit cuz im not at all recommending this place so put your dicks back in your pants you sick fucks. yeah, it looks promising. there were a few drunk mexican dudes out back by the parking lot. got one of them banda only jukeboxes. all good signs. honestly, the food wasnt that bad, but i ordered a staple of mines and that shit was not cool.

some points of interest when dining with white folks.

1. the waitress automatically brings out some ketchup to the table and takes away the tapatio.
2. no beer was served at this restaurant, but if youre white, theyll let you bring in your own beer.

yeah, so there we were chillin with a 24 pack of heineken and a bottle of ketchup. the waitresses were cute and really friendly which is always a plus. not none of this thai hooker bullshit they got in the valley. im talking firme hinas, mi gente.

i see they have machaca on the menu and machaca is like my most favoritest burrito ever ever EVER. if you aint never fucked with no machaca, i suggest you get to fucken. bitches. youll love sucking meat from your teef for hours afterwards. oooh, and the onion bell pepper lard burps are oh so tasty and fragrant. but i digress. this wasnt about good machaca. this was about some dried up stringy bullshheeeeeiiieeeeiiiitt.

see, the key to good machaca, is the tenderness and juicyness of the meat. oh, and the seasoning of the meat. oops, and the right blend of onions and peppers and egg. that's right motherbitches i said egg. they throw egg up in that bitch and sometimes cheese. Tony's served it with your choice of rice beans or hash brown potatos. and ive never had it with the papas so i was like potato! fucken big mistake.

first off the meat was HELLA STRINGY. i mean, its supposed to be shredded beef but you shouldnt have to gnaw on it like some goddamn mexican beef jerky. the meat was dry and there was absolutely no flavor to the meat. plus she asked me if i wanted egg with it. motherfucker hell yeah i want egg on that thing give it some semblance of juicyness you fucken torta. no no. im sorry. that was uncalled for. the waitress was cool. but anyways, fuck it. goddamn no flavor having burrito making mother-effers. fix that shit right goddammit. you realize the impact my blog will have on your business?!? i am the jesus h christ of this shit. i make whiskey from water you miserable shits. yeah, so anyways, i thought the potato would balance out the rich flavors of shredded beef sitting in a vat of warm lard. instead it just doubled up on the blandness of the whole thing. i was so disappointed.

ok, i cant fault my new white friend. he was a real cool cat. but you cannot find a new england white boy that can adequately select good mexican food. its impossible. simple as that. they might now a thing or two about coal fired new haven pizza though. or so i hear...