SAUSAGE FEST. yeah you whiny bitches, a motherfucken sausage fest. thought id start the new year off right and treat you to a smorgasbord of dickshaped meat tubes for your utter delight. well well well my minions. seems as though ive been neglecting your sorry asses, and i would apologize except you all are worthless pieces of pig gristle and i dont chew the fat cuz. i spit.

anyways, this here sausage fest is in honor of thee one thee only BENTROGENA. my main shit stain. partner in brine. now you see, bentrogena, a mildly devout jew, kicked off the xmas scarfs with his very own jesus h christ mas party at his estate. yeah, this shylocks got a bee in his yamulka about some spanish cuisine. in part because my man is a world traveler and had just gotten back to this dump of a town from a 3 week stay in faggity europe. prolly sippin lil cups of coffee, eatin cheese and wine and pig livers. you know, the kind of foods pussies eat. but let me not deter the faint of heart, the dude can cook. and cook he did. it is rumoured that BENTROGENA traveled on the elusive los angeles metro bus system from echo park to harbor city. HARBOR FUCKEN CITY BATCHES!~!!!! i mean, that shit can be counted as imported goods goddammit. anyways, brohaminam heard about some spic market down in harbor city and came back with a grip o shit. i mean we had green olives with anchovies, $12 dollar chick peas with weiner sausages,...fuck man, i know im forgetting some shit. OH, some sort of cured spanish pancetta with weiner baguette. anyways, you following me here? the weiner shapes and shit? yeah, bitches, and HO's. cant forget my ho's. there was plenty of weiner to go around.

but i digress. the food was excellent, and any of you single tramps out there that are all fucken stupid and lazy and wont cook, well see, you dont have to worry about that shit with BENTROGENA. but here's the catch.

being a culinary expert like myself, i have combed the world over searching for the perfect meal. the perfect beverage. the perfect after ho-sex chocolate mint. and yes, the perfect fart. good god almighty spanish chorizo is no joke. NO JOKE!!!! you eat a bite of that shit and i swear to satan you will kill someone with your farts. i mean, im a guy. were all grown ups. so i think i can feel comfortable in saying that i sniff my own farts. that's right, bitches. what the fuck are you gonna do about it? shut the FUCK up. but anyways, my peoples, i could not even bear to sniff my own gaseous delight after eating that much spanish chorizo. fucken nightmare.

so i leave you gastronomical poptarts with this. you want that ammo. your big brother always fucking with you? big bully giving you tittie twisters and purple nurples? my nerdy lil pissants, eat yourself that sausage you dick eatin shitheads and i promise, no i guarantee that you will HURT someone.

in closing, thanks to BENTROGENA for introducing me to one of the worlds most perfect foods.