the goddamn food paparazzi. motherfucken picture takin nipponese tourists and their god damn digital cameras. you know what? digital cameras have fucken ruined the world of food blogging. and god dammit, i got a army of little bitches just like you that are waiting by the walkie talkie ready for my call to arms.

so check it out. i roll out last weekend to some shithole of a town called arcadia. whatever, where it was isnt important. what's important is that the food was horrible, and that i rolled with 3 folliolio food blogging goofballs. that's right. so it was me, my bitches. and my hoes, cant forget my hoes. and 3 food bloggeratin corndogs. yeah, so when the food starts coming out, there's three mofos hovering around a plate of rice like its angelina jolie and her big ass left tittie just popped out her dress. i swear, can we just enjoy this shitty food please? yeah, so anyways, we ordered a bunch of shit. noodles, some onion pancakes that, surprise, didnt have any onions in that bitch. like, what the fuck chinaman, it aint like green onion are rare like french truffles or some shit. go ahead and pack that shit in there. see that sticky rice picture? that shit was horrible. it looks like these taiwanese fools emptied out a tofu pack stuffed with stale rice and slapped it down on a plate. screw that shit.

anyways, if i ever catch a food blogger "out in the field" there's gonna be trouble son. i roll deep and i carry my own silverware. someone's gon catch a fork in their fucken head. keep your goddamn digital cameras in your man purses, bitches. shiggy dont play.

SAUSAGE FEST. yeah you whiny bitches, a motherfucken sausage fest. thought id start the new year off right and treat you to a smorgasbord of dickshaped meat tubes for your utter delight. well well well my minions. seems as though ive been neglecting your sorry asses, and i would apologize except you all are worthless pieces of pig gristle and i dont chew the fat cuz. i spit.

anyways, this here sausage fest is in honor of thee one thee only BENTROGENA. my main shit stain. partner in brine. now you see, bentrogena, a mildly devout jew, kicked off the xmas scarfs with his very own jesus h christ mas party at his estate. yeah, this shylocks got a bee in his yamulka about some spanish cuisine. in part because my man is a world traveler and had just gotten back to this dump of a town from a 3 week stay in faggity europe. prolly sippin lil cups of coffee, eatin cheese and wine and pig livers. you know, the kind of foods pussies eat. but let me not deter the faint of heart, the dude can cook. and cook he did. it is rumoured that BENTROGENA traveled on the elusive los angeles metro bus system from echo park to harbor city. HARBOR FUCKEN CITY BATCHES!~!!!! i mean, that shit can be counted as imported goods goddammit. anyways, brohaminam heard about some spic market down in harbor city and came back with a grip o shit. i mean we had green olives with anchovies, $12 dollar chick peas with weiner sausages,...fuck man, i know im forgetting some shit. OH, some sort of cured spanish pancetta with weiner baguette. anyways, you following me here? the weiner shapes and shit? yeah, bitches, and HO's. cant forget my ho's. there was plenty of weiner to go around.

but i digress. the food was excellent, and any of you single tramps out there that are all fucken stupid and lazy and wont cook, well see, you dont have to worry about that shit with BENTROGENA. but here's the catch.

being a culinary expert like myself, i have combed the world over searching for the perfect meal. the perfect beverage. the perfect after ho-sex chocolate mint. and yes, the perfect fart. good god almighty spanish chorizo is no joke. NO JOKE!!!! you eat a bite of that shit and i swear to satan you will kill someone with your farts. i mean, im a guy. were all grown ups. so i think i can feel comfortable in saying that i sniff my own farts. that's right, bitches. what the fuck are you gonna do about it? shut the FUCK up. but anyways, my peoples, i could not even bear to sniff my own gaseous delight after eating that much spanish chorizo. fucken nightmare.

so i leave you gastronomical poptarts with this. you want that ammo. your big brother always fucking with you? big bully giving you tittie twisters and purple nurples? my nerdy lil pissants, eat yourself that sausage you dick eatin shitheads and i promise, no i guarantee that you will HURT someone.

in closing, thanks to BENTROGENA for introducing me to one of the worlds most perfect foods.